The Practice

 

            “Breathe.  Breathe deeply.  Stretch.  Move to the edge, and stop just before it begins to hurt.  Keep breathing.  Breathe all the way down into your belly.  Focus on your breath.  Notice the edge.  Has it moved?  Yes?  Then move to the new edge, and keep breathing.  Breathe until the edge moves again, and then stretch a little more to meet it.  And remember to breathe.”

 

            Yoga class.  Men and women, mostly women, in loose, baggy clothing that stretches more than our bodies, at least in the beginning.  By the end of class, many of the kinks are gone, stretched away with the help of all those deep, deep breaths.  Our instructor repeats her mantra, “Yoga is practice for life.  Keep breathing.  Limits are in our minds, created by fear.  Keep breathing, keep practicing.  Nothing is impossible.”

 

            “Yeah, right.  Nothing’s impossible,” I think the first time I see her gracefully wrap her ankles around her neck and then release them to return to a sitting position.  I am in awe of this sixty-year-old woman with her girlish figure who can stretch her body into so many different positions while breathing (of course!) and explaining to us step by step how to move our bodies in imitation of hers.  “How does she manage it all?” I wonder, and then I remind myself she’s been practicing for twenty-eight years.  Maybe if I keep it up for twenty-five more years, I’ll be able to do what she does.  Maybe.

 

            Breathing correctly is a central part of yoga.  If you don’t breathe, your body can’t move very well.  It took me awhile to learn to breathe correctly, and it wasn’t until I learned this most basic lesson of all that I realized my body was beginning to move more freely, to stretch a little more easily, to strengthen its muscles, and improve its balance.  Better breathing, less tightness, more balance, easier movement, less struggle, easier to breathe – finally, a healthy self-perpetuating cycle – how wonderful!

 

            As one of the few people in the history of western civilization to fail gym class, the whole idea of exercise had been anathema to me.  But, as they say, success breeds success, and I discovered that yoga was something I enjoyed.  I felt like a child, excited and proud of all these new things I was learning to do.  My family cheered me on as I came home from class with “Look what we learned!  Isn’t this great?” and promptly demonstrated our latest posture.  My daughter’s friends thought I was a little goofy, but she didn’t seem to mind.  And I began to lose my self-consciousness as I realized that most of the people in our class topple over just as I do when practicing the newest balancing posture.  Some days, we look like we’re taking turns toppling.  We must look pretty funny – a group topple!

 

            After a while, I realized it was easier for me to balance on days when I was feeling good about life than it was on more difficult days.  Inner balance affects outer balance, and vice versa.  I’ve taken on another of our instructor’s mantras for days when it seems nothing is balanced inside or out, “Focus and breathe.  Focus and breathe.  Focus and breathe.”  And the balance comes – some days just a little bit but definitely more than when I started.  Sometimes it’s difficult to remember to breathe.  Fear stalking.

 

            Revelation.  Life is hard.  Life is hard much of the time.  Well, that part isn’t the revelation; this part is.  Breathe, breathe deeply.  Move to the edge of what you can handle.  Breathe.  Be with it.  Breathe.  Be with it.  Breathe.  Where’s the edge?  Did it move?  Am I still at “I can’t!”?  No?  Breathe.  Move a little closer to that edge.  Breathe.  Live with it.  Breathe.  Deal with it.  Breathe some more.  Move through it a little bit at a time as you’re ready.  Breathe, and keep breathing.  Ah, sunshine at last!